Guilt Trip
by Dreams and Lullabies
Summary: Emma feels guilty in the aftermath of Marian's arrival in Storybrooke, and she comes up with a way to make Regina feel better.


**A/N, so this is a one shot (that will probably be a two-shot) that came about due to tonguemarksonmymirror's desire to see Regina on a motorbike. Which I have just about managed to do. **

**As always I really wanna know what you think. **

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><p>Emma decided that she was done feeling guilty, she had done what was right at the time and there was no way that she could have foreseen the consequences. She had saved a woman's life and nobody was going to make her feel bad about that. Saving lives was the right thing to do.<p>

Perhaps she did feel bad when she thought of the way Regina's face had fallen when she realised who Marian was. To see her like that, to see how much it had hurt. Her eyes had filled with tears and she had turned away from Emma without another word. Emma had felt guilty then, and perhaps when Henry spoke of the way Regina seemed sad, or Snow worried about her. Still she refused to feel guilty about it at other times, she had plenty of things to be happy about right now. She had a great family, she was back home in a job that was not dangerous and her son was growing up to be a fine young man. She also had this new relationship with Killian to be worried about…or excited perhaps. It was strange that she found it so difficult not to have Regina to talk to. Just because Emma missed their budding friendship was not a reason to feel guilty she had done the right thing.

Emma told herself that when the call came in about the Mayor's house just as she was leaving the station that she decided to answer it because it was her duty as sheriff and Miflin Street was on her way home anyway. Besides there was no way Tink was equipped to deal with Regina when she was in a mood. It had nothing to do with her own guilt about Marian.

When she got out of the car at Miflin Street the Mayor's house was in darkness. Taking her cell out of her pocket, she began dialling numbers.

She phoned Henry and ensured that he was okay, it had been prearranged that he would spend the night with his grandparents anyway. He was fine and happy to hear from her, and wished her luck for the night. The second call had been undoubtedly harder to make.

" 'Ello love," Killian's cocky voice had floated towards her and she had to stop herself from cringing. He was her boyfriend now.

"Listen Killian, I'm really sorry but I am going to have to cancel our date tonight." She said hoping that she sounded sincere. "It's a work thing."

Hook made an exasperated noise at the other end of the phone, "Is that not what you employed Tinkerbell for?"

"I know, it's just this is a little out of her league. I promise that I will make it up to you." She said her eyes already tracking up the path towards the darkened Mayor's house.

"Look love if you're just making excuses." Hook grumbled, Emma winced; it did sound like she was making excuses. It was the third time in as many weeks, she had cancelled on him. To be fair she had also been on two dates with him. Which made the next one the third… and for some reason she was very worried about the third.

"I'm not okay?" She snapped, "I just happen to have a real job."

"If you say so."

"Well I do."

With that they disconnected the phone call and Emma worked up all her residual courage and practically stomped up the garden path. She reached the door and found herself standing at the door for several minutes before she had the nerve to even raise her fist to knock.

"Are you planning on getting off my porch at any time?" A deep voice growled out, causing Emma to jump about a foot in the air, her hand instantly going to her gun on her hip.

"I would not do that dear, you know I can burn you to a crisp before you are able to take that thing out of the holster."

"Christ, Regina!" Emma yelled, instantly taking her hands off the holster. "What are you even doing hiding in the dark?"

Squinting Emma was just about able to the silhouette of Regina. Who was sitting on the porch bench just staring out onto the empty street, a half full wine glass in her hand.

"I am not hiding, I am sat on my own property in my free time. Now-" She stood and turned to Emma, "get off my porch."

Emma put up her hands to stop Regina advancing, but took her time to survey the brunette before speaking. Regina was always so put together, that was one of the things that Emma admired about her. Even over the last few weeks when they had run into each other at City Hall and Regina had looked at her with utter distaste, she still looked good. Emma had seen her at the diner she knew Regina was suffering and she could not help but be impressed at how well she was putting on a brave face. Even if that brave face had included shoulder barging Emma when no-one was looking.

At that moment Regina did not look quite as put together as she would probably like, and she looked furious at the thought.

"Sorry, it's just I got a call about you and I have to check your house out…" Emma trailed off indicating her head towards the house nervously.

"What?" Regina snorted, "Are the peasants worried I am brewing up a new curse?"

"By the way you're looking right now the only thing you'll be brewing is coffee." Emma spoke before she could think about how utterly offensive that comment was. Even if it were true, Regina's makeup was smudged, and she eyes were bloodshot as if she had been crying not that long ago and she looked furious.

"Excuse me!" Regina growled advancing on Emma, who took an automatic step back. "After what you have done to me, you have the cheek to judge me!"

"Okay, personally I don't want to return to the blow for blow aspect of our relationship. Just let me check out your house and we'll pretend that this never happened. Look for the record this was called in because people are worried about you. You're kinda a hero now remember?"

Regina growled, "Do not remind me."

"So…are you going to invite me in for a drink?" Emma said with a smile and an overly cheeky wink, which she immediately hated herself for. So perhaps she and the Mayor had indulged in some light flirting over the years, it kept things interesting and fun, however, it was certainly not appropriate when you were the sole reason that the woman in front of you was now single and clearly very upset about it.

"Because you are clearly a moron I am going to let that slide. You are not invited into my home, so go and snuggle your sleazy pirate." She spat out the last word as if it were disgusting to her. Some things never change. Regina sat back down and took a long drink of her wine. Seemingly content on ignoring Emma until she went away.

"Look just let me in" Emma pleaded, quickly becoming tired of this whole charade. "And for the record Hook and I aren't snuggling."

Regina arched an eyebrow, "Oh really, I did not think you'd be one to shy away from those activities."

Emma coloured in response, hating that Regina always seemed to be able to push her buttons.

"I'm not shy…look… Let me in." She stuttered.

"I'd rather not." Regina said tightly downing the last bit of wine from her glass. "I assure you that there was no disturbance."

"Regina…" Emma found herself whining, she could not believe she had cancelled her plans for this infuriating woman. "Christ can't you just cooperate for two seconds?"

"You lost you the privilege of having my cooperation." Regina grinds out waving her hand and causing another bottle of wine to materialise. Regina inspects the label, squinting in the darkness. In a flash of annoyance Emma snatched the bottle from Regina's grasp and due to Regina's slightly slowed reactions she is able to hold it out of the other woman's reach.

"Real mature, Miss Swan." Regina snapped standing up on her toes and making a grab for the bottle. Her balance was compromised by the alcohol in her system and as she leans forward she almost lost her balance. Automatically Emma threw up her free hand and placed it on Regina's hip steadying her. Regina's body lent heavily against hers for a moment but Emma did not move back, her hand held on firmly. Regina leant back to meet Emma's eyes, their bodies still joint at the hip, her eyes betraying confusion as she inspected Emma's face. They stayed like that for a moment trying to decipher what the other was thinking.

Before Emma could say anything that would ruin the moment Regina stepped back, clearing her throat uneasily.

"Miss Swan you have fulfilled your duty well enough to rid you of guilt for one evening. Now kindly leave me alone." Regina said curtly, sitting down primly on the bench as if she had not almost fell headlong into Emma a moment ago.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Emma sat down next to Regina and handed her the wine bottle.

"Friends don't let friends sit in the dark and drink booze on their own." She justified, Regina glared at her but her eyes were soft. "Also you relieving me of my obligation in no way lessens my guilt."

"We're hardly friends dear." Scoffed Regina, "and there is no point in feeling guilt unless you would change your actions now knowing the outcome."

That floored Emma, because one of the things that she had been feeling the most guilty about was the fact that if she was given the opportunity to go back she would still bring Marian back because as much as much as she hated to see Regina in pain, she saved a life. She would do it again. Emma exhaled a deep breath as Regina began to nurse her next glass of wine, she was happy that Regina was distracted because it gave her time to choose her next words. Something the formidable Mayor would never normally allow.

"I still feel bad," She said softly after a while, "because I was enjoying… you know…becoming friends with you."

Regina gave her a look in that moment that was completely undecipherable, the other woman's lips were parted in surprise but she looked terribly conflicted as if torn between agreement and something else that Emma did not understand. Before Emma could ask about it, it was gone replaced with her normal impassiveness.

"Well, dear you hardly need me to braid your hair when you have a pirate to keep you warm at night." Regina scoffed, rolling her eyes and taking another drink. If Emma had not known any better she would say that Regina looked angry but since the other woman always looked various shades of pissed off at all times Emma chose not to take it personally at that moment.

She let out a loud exasperated sigh, letting Regina know that she was annoyed at her continuously waspish attitude. Every time she thought they were getting somewhere and perhaps moving onto the grounds of friendship Regina began to act like this. If only she could stay away from Regina, her life would be far easier but for some reason the other woman seemed to have this sort of magnetic pull over her.

"Could you try to be human towards me for second?" Emma snapped despite her determination not to take Regina's actions personally she hated the way that Regina was purposefully being standoffish.

"No."

Emma stood, shaking her head. She wanted to be around Regina so much but it just was not worth the hassle that it caused. She was obviously just deluding herself into thinking that Regina had cared as much about their budding relationship as she had.

"Goodnight Regina." She said curtly standing away from the other woman. She was determined not to look back because Regina had this knack of making her feel guilty and causing her to apologise even when she had done nothing wrong. To her surprise, slender fingers reached out and grabbed her wrist, halting her walk. She knew before she turned to face Regina what expression her face would hold. It was the same one as she had on her face when the two of them had spoken outside of Granny's her and Snow's return to Storybrooke party. It seemed like an age ago now but Emma could still remember it so well. Regina had just endured a curse meant to kill them and then a party full of people who hated her and it was the first time that Regina had ever apologised to her. Many times over the weeks had followed that night Emma had thought about that moment, and about how hopeful Regina had looked, so open and honest. It was such a human moment for Regina and Emma had gotten to witness it. It had been that which had kept her returning to a tentative relationship with Regina – it was the same part of her that Emma had watched her give to Robin. Emma had seen them together in and it had made her stomach leap to see that look on Regina's face coupled with happiness because she had never been able to make Regina happy. It had made the other woman's face radiant.

So she knew when she turned to face Regina that it would be the face that she saw that night outside of Granny's and she also knew that she would give that face whatever she desired. Turning her eyes connected with conflicted brown ones – they seemed bottomless in their intensity and Emma found herself wanting to understand every emotion that flashed in those eyes.

They held each other's gaze for a moment while Regina searched to find the words needed to make Emma stay because despite everything she still wanted Emma to be here.

"I'm sorry…" She said slowly, her eyes tracking Emma's face imploring. "I will never have any affection for your… chosen partner nor do I like the idea of him having any part in my son's life however… I owe you more curtesy than that, please sit."

Her eyes were imploring and just as Emma expected she was unable to say no, not that she wanted anyway. So Emma sat beside her, just she would not have to see the way Regina's face crumpled when an olive branch was denied. Regina released her grip on Emma's wrist allowing both their hands to fall into the space between their bodies, where they remained inches apart from one another.

"Why do you hate Hook so much?" Emma asked after the pregnant pause that always follows any meaningful moment they have. Regina frowned at her before turning her attention to the glass in her hand. Just when Emma began to think that she was not going to get an answer Regina speaks.

"I do not hate Hook per se, we have a lot of history and he took advantage of me when I was in a particularly vulnerable state after my mother's death and you know how that ended. However his treatment of me is no worse than many of the acts that I committed as Queen."

Emma had always found it fascinating to watch Regina when she spoke without any of her usual snide comments or thinly veiled insults. It was when Regina allowed herself to be open that she was truly at her most endearing.

"My issue with Hook lies in another matter, I have been searching for redemption for years now, and Hook has only been searching for half as long. Yet every day I wake up and it's a struggle, every day I risk losing myself all over again and in that losing the only people I have cared about in a long time. Still redemption seems to be easy for him, he does one good deed and everybody forgets everything else that he has done. And now just when I thought I could finally have a chance at true happiness it gets torn from me and Hook gets to wake up in the morning with a woman who is far better than he could ever deserve."

Emma could help the gasp that fell from her lips at Regina's words because it is so rare that Regina says anything that is not full of spite. Although Emma would never admit it, Regina saying something like that actually meant more to her than if it had come out of anybody else's mouth. Despite herself she really cared about what Regina thought of her. _Regina thought she deserved better than Hook._

"I am not as good as people think I am you know?" She replied with a self-depreciating chuckle, "Before you implanted your memories I would have never won an award for most well-rounded person."

Regina gave her that look again, the one that Emma could not quite describe it was as if she could not believe how much of an idiot Emma was, but it was far less scathing than the idiot look that Emma was used to receiving. She did not know how to respond to it, so adverted her eyes as she played with a loose thread on her jeans.

"Emma." The unexpected use of her first name is what caused Emma to look up and when she did she found that she could not look away. It was as if Regina's gaze had locked her in place, she was enthralled. "You deserve the best, you deserve someone who does not belittle you and make you into their sexualised plaything, you deserve someone who understands how strong a person you truly are and someone who will spend every day of their life trying to be worthy of that affection. If you believe Hook is that person then that's up to you."

"Okay," Emma laughed nervously shaking her head, her heart felt as if it had dropped into her stomach, so she leant over Regina a deftly plucked the wine glass from her hand. "I think you've had enough of this for one night, I'm going to start getting the impression you like me."

Regina arched an eyebrow at Emma but did not attempt to reach for her glass, "well that would certainly be a tragedy."

Emma snorted before standing and moving away from the bench. Regina's eyes tracked her movements but she made no move to stand herself.

"Come on, I'm going to make you some coffee before we call it a night." Emma knew that if she went home now she would have no reason not to start her date with Hook and she just was not ready for that.

"I thought I told you that you were not getting into my house." Regina snipped, the thoughtful woman of a moment ago instantly lost but Emma just smirked.

"No you would not let the sheriff in, I'm your almost friend who does not care that you've thrown a magical temper tantrum in your house and haven't cleaned it up yet."

To Emma's upmost satisfaction Regina stuttered unable to form a coherent reply.

"Come on Regina," Emma laughed, "despite your protests you and I are pretty similar."

Regina cocked her head in an acknowledgement that Emma was sure would not have happened before they had been to Neverland, but somehow against the odds they had moved beyond that. She nodded for Emma to enter, and slowly followed Emma into her home, and into her kitchen.

Emma's eyes widened when she saw the state of the kitchen, but she did not say anything. Instead she stepped over the broken crockery and began making coffee. It was not as if she was good at controlling herself, she had broken more than one toaster during her time in Storybrooke.

"You know I'm actually surprised at you." Emma mused as she pulled the mugs from the cupboard as if she lived there. "I would never have thought of you as the type of woman who fell apart because of a guy."

She could feel the annoyance radiating off of Regina before she turned round, and winced at the thunderous look on Regina's face when she finally did so.

"You think that's what this is?" Regina growled advancing on Emma, who rolled her eyes and took a step back.

"Here's a thought, we'll be friends and instead of throwing a bitch fit every time I'm slightly off base, you tell me what it actually is." Emma gritted out, handing Regina her coffee slightly more forcefully than necessary. A heavy silence filled the room during which Emma was sure that Regina was going to magically propel her out of the room but eventually Regina sat down.

"I cared for Robin deeply, but I do not wish for him to leave Marion for me –"

"I thought he was meant to be your soul mate…fairy dust and stuff…ow." Regina instantly swatted at Emma catching her sharply on the arm.

"Don't interrupt." Regina snapped but her tone is not in it. "I was told Robin was my soul mate over three decades ago. Tell me Miss Swan are you the same person you were even three years ago?"

Emma shook her head because three years ago – implanted memories or not, she was living far away from Storybrooke and had no idea about the fairy tale world. The knowledge she had gained had changed her.

"Well when I was young and still hopeful, Robin may have been the best match for me but neither of us are the same person now. Regina said, "I don't believe that there is only one person for my whole life as for soul mates. Does that not take away the aspect of choice in a relationship?"

"You don't really buy into the fairy tale persona…." Emma remarked playfully, "Shame, I could totally see you walking down the aisle with flowers in your hair and birds carrying the rings."

It took obvious physical effort on Regina's part to stop herself laughing at such a ridiculous notion. Emma had no such qualms and chuckled easily at her own joke. She keeps it up until Regina cracks a smile of her own.

"Don't worry dear, I'm sure you'll get all those things for your own wedding." Regina replied sweetly taking a sip of her coffee, and watching Emma closely for a reaction. Which she got. Emma choked, causing Regina to laugh wickedly as Emma struggled to regain control.

"Very funny," Emma eventually managed to wheeze out, Regina smirked for a moment before launching back into her story. It was as if now she had begun to talk she just had to get it all off of her chest.

"The thing is I wanted to try with Robin because when he looked at me he made me believe that there was more to me than the Evil Queen and he wanted to be around me despite my…challenging demeanour. He made me feel like I could be happy again and that I was allowed to be happy." Regina trailed off pensively, ignoring Emma's attempts to make eye contact with her. Before she could think better of it, Emma reached out and grabbed Regina's forearm. Brown eyes snapped up to meet emerald.

"Robin was not the only person in the world who sees you as you are. You are Regina and yes you can be a bitch but you have a beautiful soul. You deserve to be happy and there are people out there who want that for you." Regina coughed nervously, breaking eye contact and moved out of Emma's grip and moved across the room and began to wash her now empty coffee mug. Emma cringed, that was simultaneously cringe-worthy and far too honest.

"So…" She said after several minutes of weighted silence during which Regina had yet to turn around again despite having finished washing her mug a long time ago. "Did the magical temper tantrum help?"

"Have you ever used magic to destroy something Miss Swan?" Regina asked. Emma noted the return to her title, the return to the distance that Regina was always so keen to keep between them. Emma wondered not for the first time why it was that Regina insisted on doing that. What was it that she was so afraid of Emma seeing?

"It gives you this rush, a feeling of freedom that I have not been able to experience properly in a long time."

"Like horse-riding?" Emma asked, she watched the back of Regina's head as the darker woman nods.

"So why don't you do that?"

"I can't, I'm not on best of terms with the stable hands here."

"Perhaps it's because you still call them stable hands." Emma muttered, which finally caused Regina to turn round even if it was just to give Emma one of her best glares.

"I miss the feeling of freedom, and the wind in my hair." Regina shrugged.

"Regina, how much have you had to drink?" Emma asked suddenly an idea forming in her mind.

"It is hardly any of your business." Came the snippy reply.

"I'm looking for enough to try something new but not so much that you will throw up in my bug."

"You're assuming that I could ever drink enough to willingly get inside your scrap-heap of a car again."

Emma snorted, "Yeah you're just the right level of drunk." Standing she made her way over the Regina and held out her hand, "Do you trust me?"

Regina regarded her levelly for a moment, before silently taking her hand and allowing Emma to lead her out of the house.

[xx]

"I am not getting on that." Regina said flatly looking at Emma as if she were some sort of mythical creature. "This may have escaped your notice but I have a certain image to uphold."

"Relax," Emma replied chuckling at the horrified expression on Regina's face. "Seriously, nobody cares Regina, besides I'd expect a bit more of a daring attitude from someone who used to ride a dragon."

"Maleficent was a friend and would never let me ride her in dragon form."

"Interesting word choice your majesty." Emma laughed winking dramatically and she could almost hear the sound of Regina's jaw clicking shut in annoyance.

They stood for a moment surveying the beauty that was in front of them. Emma had just had it sent up from New York and had yet to have a chance to take it for a drive. A Kawasaki Ninja 300, and it was essentially her baby.

"It's green." Regina said flatly, looking at the bike as if it were about to attack her.

"Well I bought it before your sister cursed us all, stole your heart and tried to wipe you from existence. I should have probably chosen the red one."

Without waiting for Regina to throw another excuse her way, Emma straddles the machine and holds out her spare helmet for Regina, who does not move from her spot.

"Trust me." Emma whispered, "It'll let you feel the freedom and the wind in your hair." The sound of her voice almost lost in the night, but not on Regina who grumbled but took the helmet from Emma's grasp and places herself behind Emma.

After a moment's hesitation Regina's arms wrap themselves around Emma's waist and hold tight. Emma forced herself not to think about having Regina that close to her, with nothing but their layers to separate them. So instead she kicked the machine into life and concentrated on the controlling the power in between her legs.

It took a while but eventually Emma felt Regina relax behind her, allowing her to begin to enjoy the ride herself. It was unlike anything else in the world, to feel the power of the bike between her legs and the wind in her hair.

Then she heard it. At first she thought she was imagining it but she could feel it vibrating against her back. Regina was laughing, truly laughing not the dry and reserved chuckle that Emma was used to hearing, this was a true free laugh. It was beautiful, and Emma wanted to hear it forever, so she accelerated and began to laugh herself.

They drove for over an hour, until Emma had to admit to herself that she had taken Regina down every street in Storybrooke at least once. Regina was on longer laughing but leant softly against Emma her hands resting on Emma's hips and her chin on Emma's shoulder.

Far sooner than Emma wanted they arrived at Miflin Street, and Emma kicks down the stand giving Regina an opportunity to get off, which she does with grace that should not be possible to achieve. They take off their helmets and regard one another awkwardness beginning to fill the air.

"Thank you." Regina whispered eventually, to which Emma nodded with the understanding that she meant for far more than the bike ride.

"And Emma, if Hook does not make you feel the way you think he should then you need to stop lying to yourself. There are other people out there who would love to have a chance with you."

Emma snorts, feeling the old tug of insecurity come at her again.

"Really? Care to name a few?" She laughed hollowly but Regina did not join in. Instead of joining in with her laughter or even smirking Regina closed the small distance between them. Before Emma even had a chance to process what was going on Regina's lips where on hers and it was unlike anything that she had experienced before. It felt as if her heart had leapt into her throat, and as Regina deepened the kiss Emma struggled to remember how to breathe.

Just as Emma was sinking into it, Regina broke contact pressing their foreheads together, she whispered "I think you'll know."

Then without another word she walked up her garden path and disappeared into her house and Emma was left staring after her.

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><p><strong>AN So I may have used some Grey's anatomy inspiration at the end there. Thanks Shonda Rhimes. **


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